Strangers

It’s the two year anniversary of Sonder and therefore a reflection is due.

Being a therapist is not easy, but it is fulfilling for me. And like most things, it’s important to explore the question of why something feels good. But in order to do that… I need to start with explaining a discovery I made in the LAX airport in the spring of 2021.

I was traveling to visit family under stressful circumstances, while also feeling like a complete mess myself. I felt overwhelmed by what I was getting myself into in the coming days and weeks. I had a few hours to kill at the airport (a novelty) and thought of how long I’ve waited for this window of time to breathe. So, I sit at the bar and order a salad and a margarita. Girl dinner.

Immediately, the woman next to me strikes up a conversation. She’s much more relaxed than me… looks like she owns the place—not so much in looks, but in her demeaner. She asks me where I’m going and, immediately, the conversation goes deep (something that is not unfamiliar to me and was clearly not unfamiliar to her either). I share my thoughts with her and she shares with me. We cheers to tequila and go our separate ways.

God, I love airport conversations.

This wasn’t the last time that I had an almost perfect, one-time encounter in an airport. In fact, I am oftentimes really noticing people in this context. I’m not normally a people-watcher, but in the airport everybody is just so damn interesting. But why is that? Why is a large group of diverse strangers going in opposite directions appealing to me, or to anyone else that shares my feelings towards airport strangers?

Psychologists might have some ideas. A study by Dunn & Sandstrom has suggested that connecting with strangers makes us happier, and also smarter. I’m not surprised by this suggestion at all. There is just something different about having a talk with a stranger—a person who has no expectations of who you should be and no knowledge of who you used to be. You are just a person that exists in the present (It’s actually quite harder, at times, to talk to those that you are close with—but that is okay. At times, communication with your loved ones involves working through difficult emotions).

What I realized, though, is how often I feel I can have this experience in the therapy room. It’s not that I’m necessarily a stranger with my client, nor them to me. But we exist in one context and will likely not be existing together elsewhere. Little to no expectations

You see, when you talk with someone in this manner, you’re engaging fully into a conversation in a different way. You can learn more, gain more insight into yourself and brainstorm new ideas. Talking with a stranger can open a world of new possibilities.

This is one factor that might make the therapeutic relationship appealing, but it is far from one-sided. I learn something new about humanity, society and myself constantly because of my pursuit of selfless, active listening and observing.

I would not trade it for the world.